"it's impossible. "

"what do you mean it's impossible? you can do it, everyone does it."

"no it's really just not working. i can't do it."

pause.

"have you tried everything?"

"it defies all logic. it doesn't make any sense. finding a way to distract myself only fills it with an air detached from reality. looking at it straight on just makes it worse. i can't stop it."

"i'm sorry man.. i don't know what to tell you. you just.. stop. what about the other.."

"don't talk about the other thing. it's not working out. one moment you think you're alright, and the next one, you're swamped."

"bummer.. but.. other people have done it, you can too!"

"i know other people have done it..."

pause.

"how are things looking for this coming week?"

"it's as worse as it can get. only a week left now. and i'm in no condition to deal with it all."

"that's only what you say and think. it's not true man, don't be tricked like that. you have all the strength and wisdom to go through all of this."

"i can't.."

"there's no use hanging onto things that won't do you any good man. you have to just.. stop. start over. everyday is a brand new chance for you to start fresh. i mean.. it's getting close to the end of things now, and if anything you should make the most of what is in front of you, instead of wasting it away. it's not a one man world, there are others around you. and after a while, things are going to reset themselves, and perhaps history may replay itself, but chances are, you have to make a new history for yourself."

"it's not gonna wait for me, right?"

"it sure isn't. so what do you say?"

pause.

"i can't do all of this on my own. i don't have it in me anymore..."

"you do. and there's so many of us around to help and support you. and there's a God that loves you infinitely, with a power to heal you. but you have to be broken to him."

"sigh. i'm scared. what's gonna come out of this... "

"you have to just forget about it.. don't worry, because it will be alright in the end."



who's right?

impaired vision

"Do you know what it's like to have bad vision? today, we enjoy the luxuries of paper-thin eyeglasses, even thinner contact lenses, and even laser precise eye surgery to cure blindness. but even these things, as technologically improved as they are over the years, they are only temporary. one moment without your glasses, and what can you see? colours smeared and faded into a space without depth. edges invisible, incapable of distinguish object to object.



(Do you know how frustrating it is to look for something you’ve lost? Like your keys in the morning, or a belt that you’re missing. Maybe it’s your sunglasses or wallet...That kind of frustrating. Got that feeling in your head? Imagine it ten times worse, because you’re not quite sure what you’re looking for, and you know you can’t go on without it. That’s what I’m feeling right now.)




you find your glasses. you put them on. what can you see? seems clear, but you look to the right, and it's blurry. you look up a bit, and there's a thick fuzzy line in your field of vision. you look up a bit more, and you see the frame, and beyond that it's unchartered terrirtory. it's not clear at all."

i found the glasses cloth, and took off my glasses. gave em a wipe here, and a wipe there, and i put them back on. clear again. some fuzzy streaks, but that can't be helped. my desk is a mess. papers here, books there. i opened my drawer, and a clear green light glowed into sight. i took out the green stone, and closed the drawer. it was pretty. the stone was crowned with a golden frame, and a majestic light shone from the deep inside. it stung my heart to look at it, because it was so close to me, and because of the thought of what i was about to do to it.

i looked into the stone. i remembered.. happiness, confidence, love. scenes of past memories flashed before me, deep inside the green light. it still stung my heart to look at it. the light soon began to fade, as those wonderful feelings began to fade in me as well. perhaps it just wasn't right. perhaps i was all wrong about it. where could i possibly be going with this?

i grasped the stone hard, and the light left. into the kitchen, the garbage can opened, and the stone fell with a soft thud. the lid closed. back to my seat. i sat.

and thought. i felt.. unnatural. something was missing. once again i took off my glasses and gave them a wipe. i put them on again, and seemingly they were much clearer. wait a second.. what was that?

"victor! comon man!"

they stood at the door, calling for me. seems like i'm supposed to go do something with them. "i'm coming! just give me two minutes." i opened the drawer again.

no familiar green light. it was so unnatural. but it was so clearly.. a drawer. the walls of the drawer were distinctly separate by the dark edges from the drawer itself. there wasn't much more there, but the wood had a vertical pattern. things would be clearer from now on.

i got up and left.

(victor jr.)