the repeated experience was this.
the every day change in plans, sometimes by myself but sometimes not. but the push was to find that coffee shop that worked best, and to get the computer on. then it was about sifting through internet banality, and dealing with the resistance of inadequacy in job postings and trying to ignore how minuscule you comparatively are. the one measurable positive was how many of my meek credentials did i deposit into the abyss.
but it became easy to see beauty that came through this past year. i can hang my proverbial hat this year and say that i did what i do best.
it's been about everyone else. i can't count how many hours i spent typing on the phone or on the computer or all the meaningful people focused conversations at length or even in passing. i saw broken hearts, friends hurt, lost and confused. we shared ideas with each other. sometimes it was about thinking of solutions and advice, but a lot of times it was just about listening. after a long year, i feel the drag of fatigue through emotions given and taken.
in the end, our burdens will have become stories. hidden stories in future discoveries.
**
it won't be too late. sky will be dark. snow is in the forecast, but driving in waterloo doesn't scare me at all, so i will turn into the burger joint with amy. i can't say what i'm gonna order yet but maybe it'll be the signature burger.
this time i won't be staring at my own reflection.
it'll be whole year, summed up in two sets of burgers and fries.
here, my past burden will become my story.
**
