white petals drifted in the air, covering the forested expanse like snowflakes. the winds were strong, lifting the petals of the nearby trees all over. i brushed my face and looked at the prize. it was garnished with flowers of many colours, but a single bunch of white flowers stood out in the mix of reds and blues. it gave me a sense of royalty.
the willows swayed in the winds, and the sound of them whistled in my ears. i took a step only to get a closer look. i've found the sword, power beyond imagination. it stood upright, proud and defiant, while the flowers bowed before it. i saw it wedged between stones and i already wished for it to have been in a better place, like the scabbard of a just warrior. yet it stood still, not like the constant motion of its surroundings. how strong i imagined it in my own hands.
i walked even closer, and soon the gleam of it caught my eye, almost till it hurt. i saw the etchings of an ancient language on the cold blade, and i knew not what it meant, but it didn't matter. its handle wrapped in soft leather, its blade shined bright as it ever did many years ago. i was in front of it now, hand itching to touch it, arms itching to lift it out of its home. i drew it. the blade rang in the air, and echoed far.
the winds stopped. petals drifted slowly to the ground, but i did not notice. intent on the blade, i ran my hands across the blade, feeling the smoothness of the metal, the rough etchings of the blade. it responded, whispering to me with a low humming voice. i couldn't resist but to hold it upright, wielding its full power with mine.
i saw it work, ringing steel running through the air, slicing through it all like soft butter. gentle, yet ferocious. deadly, yet merciful. a blade of old, wielded by the champions of their day, cowering not in fear, but rising to battle injustice, with no true companion except for their own blade.
the air was clear now. then i saw its scabbard, lying across a tree trunk, blended in the shadows of the trees. i don't blame them, the sword itself was captivating. i slid the sword into the modest scabbard, and let the steel sing in the quiet calm air.
i set off.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and the bucket fell over. it was too late, so i could not catch it. i watched as the dirty water spilled to the ground, the now dirty ground. i wanted to snap it in half and throw it at a tree, or something. something to throw at.
no, i didn't do that. i went into the kitchen, searching the shelves below for a cloth to wipe it all dry. i couldn't find one. no, i had to use it. the mop, still damp from use, asked to be used again. the tool for the job, rendered the failure. there wasn't much choice now, i started to wipe, hopefully with strong, solid strokes, before the master returned to discover it all.
it was too late. i heard the door open, and i felt a voice running down the back of my neck as if it was already happening. it made me shiver, and my heart skipped a beat. i quickened my strokes, desperately eyeing for a second option. he walked in, and his first footstep into the room made a quiet *patter*, the sound of a bare foot stepping on too much water. i did not dare to look up, but his eyes bore into mine. i continued to stroke hard, not knowing or caring that the slender wooden mop would not be able to take the force. its hairs started to rub off, leaving the floor with damp hairs of mop residue. i didn't look.
he approached me, slow, steady, and carrying a presence with him. still i didn't look up, though i had such an urge to, to tell him what looked like a disaster was a simple misunderstanding. i didn't have that choice here, no i didn't. without a word, he took the mop from me, held it from the top. i cowered back, not knowing what to expect. i hated the detail that i saw, the whiteness of his knuckles, the flex of his strong forearms, the resolute power in his stature. like an eternity it took for him to take his first swing, and it landed hard. i fell to the ground, comforted by the companionship of flowing dirty water. i heard the patter again, but this time it was not from bare feet, but my bare body. it continued, and i couldn't get up, couldn't fight it, and i just let it fall.
my eyes were closed, but my ears were open, though bloodied. he stopped, and i only knew because i heard the mop fall to the ground. it bounced and rested on the ground, slender wood hitting hard hostile concrete. i could only guess what i felt like. i put my cheek on the cold floor.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
changes
it is the beginning of another term in waterloo again. it's been a week and a half being back now, and here are some changes that have come to pass:
1. new mcdougall has returned with a vengeance. on top of a new room assignment, the common areas have been rearranged to fit the summer atmosphere. if you're in town, come check it out.
2. our new line of courses.. thermodynamics 2, partial differential equations, introduction to manufacturing process, kinematic/dynamic design of machines, and fluid mechanics. everyone still follow me? our thermo prof seems to be the best one i think. our fluids prof is a FRENCH WOMAN.. her french accent is sometimes hard to follow, and it gets a bit annoying (though some ppl think it's hot, i don't). our calc prof looks like one of those old chinese women that push dim sum carts at yum cha. her harsh mandarin accent and her less than mediocre teaching makes for crappiness. the manufacturing process guy makes me feel like he is teaching an empty room.. and the way he writes randomly on the board reminds me of CP chou, one of our 1st year profs that draws arrows and circles ACROSS boards and.. mech guys know what i'm talking about hahaha. and our mech design prof is.. pompous and full of himself.
3. after "co-leading" men's cell with the boys in scbc, i'm back in waterloo and i'm going to be leading men's cell for ccf for the first time. i'm excited for it, and the group looks pretty decent. we're meeting up this TUESDAY MAY 17 at mcdougall, for those who are interested!
4. i had no internet for 2 weeks, and us at mcdougall have been relying on DEFAULT. it's like one bar and it disconnects like every minute. sorry to those that i've tried to talk to msn with these few days, i get internet back tomorrow.
5. GIG. GROUPS INVESTIGATING GOD. herm and i are gonna be doing that on fridays at lunch time starting tomorrow, with some classmates of ours. PRETTY DARN GOOD.
6. summer term, 3A. i'm an upper year now.
7. two of my close friends now have girlfriends.
8. i'm away from home now, and therefore i have peace and quiet, if i so seek it. 2 weeks ago from today, i had none.
9. still trying to solve the same problems of my own. heart is still hurting. i also miss people. (i guess that's not really a change)
10. my computer has been being stupid on me (yea i know that's not significant, i just wanted to make it to 10 things)
i can't wait to write a story.
victor
1. new mcdougall has returned with a vengeance. on top of a new room assignment, the common areas have been rearranged to fit the summer atmosphere. if you're in town, come check it out.
2. our new line of courses.. thermodynamics 2, partial differential equations, introduction to manufacturing process, kinematic/dynamic design of machines, and fluid mechanics. everyone still follow me? our thermo prof seems to be the best one i think. our fluids prof is a FRENCH WOMAN.. her french accent is sometimes hard to follow, and it gets a bit annoying (though some ppl think it's hot, i don't). our calc prof looks like one of those old chinese women that push dim sum carts at yum cha. her harsh mandarin accent and her less than mediocre teaching makes for crappiness. the manufacturing process guy makes me feel like he is teaching an empty room.. and the way he writes randomly on the board reminds me of CP chou, one of our 1st year profs that draws arrows and circles ACROSS boards and.. mech guys know what i'm talking about hahaha. and our mech design prof is.. pompous and full of himself.
3. after "co-leading" men's cell with the boys in scbc, i'm back in waterloo and i'm going to be leading men's cell for ccf for the first time. i'm excited for it, and the group looks pretty decent. we're meeting up this TUESDAY MAY 17 at mcdougall, for those who are interested!
4. i had no internet for 2 weeks, and us at mcdougall have been relying on DEFAULT. it's like one bar and it disconnects like every minute. sorry to those that i've tried to talk to msn with these few days, i get internet back tomorrow.
5. GIG. GROUPS INVESTIGATING GOD. herm and i are gonna be doing that on fridays at lunch time starting tomorrow, with some classmates of ours. PRETTY DARN GOOD.
6. summer term, 3A. i'm an upper year now.
7. two of my close friends now have girlfriends.
8. i'm away from home now, and therefore i have peace and quiet, if i so seek it. 2 weeks ago from today, i had none.
9. still trying to solve the same problems of my own. heart is still hurting. i also miss people. (i guess that's not really a change)
10. my computer has been being stupid on me (yea i know that's not significant, i just wanted to make it to 10 things)
i can't wait to write a story.
victor
Sunday, April 22, 2007
tests of surety
we go through our 20 or so years of life and it easily slips our minds that we are constantly being tested: by our actions, or by our words. how does it make us feel when we do things right? nothing.
but how does it make us feel when we do things wrong?
i had a dialogue with a guy in my department today. he was asking me about something that he REALLY should have been able to check himself (but that's besides the point). what he asked me required a program called MRP, and though being at the company for 3.5 months (i'm TWO weeks from leaving the company), i still have not been given access to it, so i don't bother really asking for it. anyway, he continued to ask me stuff, but it got to a point where he wasn't being clear with his questions and asking me all sorts of random stuff. i didn't know how to answer him, and i just said some stuff, hoping to just satisfy him. yet when i said that, i got this wrenching feeling in my heart, this feeling of unsureness. do i really know what i was talking about? no i didn't.
sure enough, i gave a wrong answer. he responded once with "that's the wrong answer", and i ended up having to cover up my wrong answer with some reasoning about what i said.
it's a petty story, but do you see the problem? how sure of you are of yourself? it's just silly that all these years we are being trained and taught and EXPECTED to grow, because that's the right thing to do. what if you got it all wrong? all this VALUABLE experience, all this time and energy and effort put forth to it, and in the end, we aren't even SURE of ourselves?
then we ask.. who are we, and what good can we do?
but how does it make us feel when we do things wrong?
i had a dialogue with a guy in my department today. he was asking me about something that he REALLY should have been able to check himself (but that's besides the point). what he asked me required a program called MRP, and though being at the company for 3.5 months (i'm TWO weeks from leaving the company), i still have not been given access to it, so i don't bother really asking for it. anyway, he continued to ask me stuff, but it got to a point where he wasn't being clear with his questions and asking me all sorts of random stuff. i didn't know how to answer him, and i just said some stuff, hoping to just satisfy him. yet when i said that, i got this wrenching feeling in my heart, this feeling of unsureness. do i really know what i was talking about? no i didn't.
sure enough, i gave a wrong answer. he responded once with "that's the wrong answer", and i ended up having to cover up my wrong answer with some reasoning about what i said.
it's a petty story, but do you see the problem? how sure of you are of yourself? it's just silly that all these years we are being trained and taught and EXPECTED to grow, because that's the right thing to do. what if you got it all wrong? all this VALUABLE experience, all this time and energy and effort put forth to it, and in the end, we aren't even SURE of ourselves?
then we ask.. who are we, and what good can we do?
Sunday, March 18, 2007
something is radically wrong...
an excerpt from "the ragamuffin gospel", by brennan manning
"Life takes on a joyless, empty quality. We begin to resemble the leading character in Eugene O'Neill's play The Great God Brown:
'Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colours of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?'
Something is radically wrong.
Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are NAUSEATING to God and are a FLAT DENIAL OF THE GOSPEL OF GRACE."
... this hit me like an absolute truck.. there's so much more in this book, and i've only read like 10 pages, i would end up typing out the entire thing.
"Life takes on a joyless, empty quality. We begin to resemble the leading character in Eugene O'Neill's play The Great God Brown:
'Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colours of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?'
Something is radically wrong.
Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are NAUSEATING to God and are a FLAT DENIAL OF THE GOSPEL OF GRACE."
... this hit me like an absolute truck.. there's so much more in this book, and i've only read like 10 pages, i would end up typing out the entire thing.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
a simple invitation /irresistable revolutionaries
january 29, 2007 was my 21st birthday. this birthday is a different birthday for most, and was a different birthday for myself as well. after my 2b school term in waterloo, i felt that i've grown up a fair bit. evidence of that was when i learned that some people actually looked up to me as a person (that was shocking!). at this point i wonder what have been my sources of growth back then. it could have been the encouragements and support from my brothers and sisters, or my own desire to step up and make a change.
because of all of that, i thought that this birthday of mine should be revolutionary as well. so i made an evite, inviting everyone to dinner and then out to karaoke after that. saturday night. sounds like a pretty normal birthday get-together, what's so special about that, you say?
well no, that wasn't all that special, but my objective was. my objective was to invite everyone that i knew, that i had at least some sort of friendship with. the result of that was that i sent the evite to not only my closer friends, but those that aren't so close either. even to some that would lead to a very awkward thought or feeling on their part (i even sent it to pastor ted haha.. can see you see PT going out to karaoke? priceless). my purpose was solely for the people and not myself. i spent a long long time writing the evite to describe this, and by the time i was done with it, it was a beautiful piece, every word straight from my heart. here are some of the main points that i mentioned:
1. the purpose of calling such a birthday gathering is to benefit the body of christ, using the occasion of my birthday as an excuse to lure a lot of people of great variety to a common place and purpose.
2. already knowing that one receiving the invitation either can't go or wouldn't want to go, nor even care that it was my 21st birthday, i still sent the email despite of that, to tell the person that i appreciated them and cared about them, and hoped to better our friendship during the time that i am here (not long).
3. no one else would do something like this.
for those of u who've actually read it, u'd know what i'm talking about.
the birthday didn't go as i expected, probably because i sent it out way too late, but it was a good birthday nonetheless. but it's not over. as a tribute and reminder to what i decided on, i wanted to make a note and a point of it, so that i will keep to thinking and caring of others, not just by words but with actions as well.
it makes me think of a book that i wanted to buy but didn't, named "irresistable revolution" by shane claiborne. i think chris has it. so i can say that, i don't know what the book is about at all, but the title is so catching. i want to be a revolutionary, change the way things work around here, change lives. and i want to do it so well, that i'd be irresistable. that people would see what i'm doing, and people would see me changing other people. i pray that i would do all this with the right spirit.
because of all of that, i thought that this birthday of mine should be revolutionary as well. so i made an evite, inviting everyone to dinner and then out to karaoke after that. saturday night. sounds like a pretty normal birthday get-together, what's so special about that, you say?
well no, that wasn't all that special, but my objective was. my objective was to invite everyone that i knew, that i had at least some sort of friendship with. the result of that was that i sent the evite to not only my closer friends, but those that aren't so close either. even to some that would lead to a very awkward thought or feeling on their part (i even sent it to pastor ted haha.. can see you see PT going out to karaoke? priceless). my purpose was solely for the people and not myself. i spent a long long time writing the evite to describe this, and by the time i was done with it, it was a beautiful piece, every word straight from my heart. here are some of the main points that i mentioned:
1. the purpose of calling such a birthday gathering is to benefit the body of christ, using the occasion of my birthday as an excuse to lure a lot of people of great variety to a common place and purpose.
2. already knowing that one receiving the invitation either can't go or wouldn't want to go, nor even care that it was my 21st birthday, i still sent the email despite of that, to tell the person that i appreciated them and cared about them, and hoped to better our friendship during the time that i am here (not long).
3. no one else would do something like this.
for those of u who've actually read it, u'd know what i'm talking about.
the birthday didn't go as i expected, probably because i sent it out way too late, but it was a good birthday nonetheless. but it's not over. as a tribute and reminder to what i decided on, i wanted to make a note and a point of it, so that i will keep to thinking and caring of others, not just by words but with actions as well.
it makes me think of a book that i wanted to buy but didn't, named "irresistable revolution" by shane claiborne. i think chris has it. so i can say that, i don't know what the book is about at all, but the title is so catching. i want to be a revolutionary, change the way things work around here, change lives. and i want to do it so well, that i'd be irresistable. that people would see what i'm doing, and people would see me changing other people. i pray that i would do all this with the right spirit.
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