war strategies

The fields were scattered with corpses. It was night, but the unusually bright moonlight lit the hills pale white. If you looked out carefully enough, you could see some men putting out the fires. Listen out carefully enough and you could hear shouting and screaming, either in pain or in desperation to save themselves from death.

Nightfall was the calm. If there was any fairness in warfare, this would be the only rule. No battle at the dead of the night. Even soldiers have to sleep: to refresh and reenergize themselves in preparation to kill relentlessly again the next day. Of course, this short two hours of assumed peace is also the time for the captains of the armies to gather and strategize. Another reason why the calm was so much more dangerous: the leaders of the host all congregated in one tent.

Tonight (like any night), the Captains of Spira reunited in a very improbable tent to keep the enemy guessing. It was small and cramped, but the captains managed to sit comfortably at the table. A map of the land was on the table, obviously used for planning. There were torches that lit the tent, and guards standing on the outside on the outlook.

"We finished the count on casualties tonight. We're looking at 425 dead and some 1000 are injured. Looks like we're lowering the casualty count today." reported Captain Wakka, who they call Wingfoot because he was fast on his feet.

"An improvement, but not good enough. We must focus on stealth and defense, Intelligence leader." Sir Auron, the leader of the Captains of Spira, looking at no one in particular. "What is the report on available weaponry, Kimahri?"

Kimahri, Captain of the First Fleet of Gagazet, a man of few words. "About 2000 spears. 2500 swords. Still some 500 calvary. Archers suffered loss. Catapults are fine."

"Looks like we still got enough weapon to win this battle." said Captain Tidus Atanamir, Captian of the First Fleet of Zanarkand. Not only was Tidus a powerful warrior, stopping enemies in their tracks by his skill in arms, but he was also the strategist of the team. His experience in warfare and battle tactics gave him an edge against the enemy.

Sir Auron brushed his hand across the map, measuring here and there. "The enemy looks to be about 100m away shortest right now. High ground on both ends here and there." He points to the two hills that the enemy occupied. "Hills look to be about 30m tall Sneak in through the valley and scout the layout. Target weaponry, supplies, medics, anything. Get those guys out of their quick, and then we send in a left/right flank attack before the break of day."

"We're the ones on the open plain, so we too will have to look out for attacks on any front. They have protection of the hills, and higher ground advantage would surely decimate our troops. Catapults are slow, and archers are few, ya?" Wakka said.

"Yeah you're right. But we could lure them down from the hills, and maybe start an ambush from behind the hills. Any ideas, Tidus?" asked Auron.

"We have weapons. We have open plain. The enemy has higher ground advantage, so we should be able to detect their approach fast. Supplies seem sufficient for now. Scouts report and say that enemy status is... good for us. Our guess is that their numbers are declining, which means that there's a good chance that we will get the first strike in the morning, if we can recover fast enough before the sun rises."

"So everything is looking good for us, Captain. We must attack! Sir Auron's plan is worth a shot." Captain Yuna the Iron Maiden interrupted Tidus. She led the First Fleet of Besaid, and was the only female captain among them. She wielded the sword as skillfully as any other man, and sometimes more powerful.

Tidus thought, and the others watched him.

"Gather all the troops in together. Keep them close, and stand defense. Protect our supplies. They will come and attack first."

The captains gaped at him, absolutely shocked at his idea.

"But Captain! You said it yourself, we have the advantage right now! Shouldn't we use what we have and attack the enemy? We need to take this open opportunity!" Yuna exclaimed.

"She's right, Tidus. We could lead them out to open land and attack them from both sides. It's really on our side, ya?" Wakka said.

Auron said nothing.

"I'm sure of it. Gather together, come in and guard. And we wait."

a new term

a new term officially begins today. waterloo starts school today, the summer continues for those without school, and other university students are about finished exams.

and me, almost 3 weeks since done exams now, still without a coop job. being back at home, i question myself what i want to do being back in toronto. i've signed up to play for socs sr in ccsa softball (with a team of 40, i'll probably get to bat and field just once a game). with my heart so set on being back, is toronto the right place to be for me this summer?

being alone again is a test of faith and perseverance. only i can tell myself what is right and wrong, and only i have the power to change my actions. i've discovered that a large part of my mind hasn't been in use. this discovery was shown to me by looking through my old elementary school journals, and realizing that those thought processes were no longer in my head. such a discovery prompts me to find a way to restore such processes, and perhaps have an edge in controlling myself of what i do. of course, faith in God's strength is also a factor in this issue.

but anyway, i hope everyone has a good term. i hope i will too, as soon as i know what kind of a term it is.

"it's impossible. "

"what do you mean it's impossible? you can do it, everyone does it."

"no it's really just not working. i can't do it."

pause.

"have you tried everything?"

"it defies all logic. it doesn't make any sense. finding a way to distract myself only fills it with an air detached from reality. looking at it straight on just makes it worse. i can't stop it."

"i'm sorry man.. i don't know what to tell you. you just.. stop. what about the other.."

"don't talk about the other thing. it's not working out. one moment you think you're alright, and the next one, you're swamped."

"bummer.. but.. other people have done it, you can too!"

"i know other people have done it..."

pause.

"how are things looking for this coming week?"

"it's as worse as it can get. only a week left now. and i'm in no condition to deal with it all."

"that's only what you say and think. it's not true man, don't be tricked like that. you have all the strength and wisdom to go through all of this."

"i can't.."

"there's no use hanging onto things that won't do you any good man. you have to just.. stop. start over. everyday is a brand new chance for you to start fresh. i mean.. it's getting close to the end of things now, and if anything you should make the most of what is in front of you, instead of wasting it away. it's not a one man world, there are others around you. and after a while, things are going to reset themselves, and perhaps history may replay itself, but chances are, you have to make a new history for yourself."

"it's not gonna wait for me, right?"

"it sure isn't. so what do you say?"

pause.

"i can't do all of this on my own. i don't have it in me anymore..."

"you do. and there's so many of us around to help and support you. and there's a God that loves you infinitely, with a power to heal you. but you have to be broken to him."

"sigh. i'm scared. what's gonna come out of this... "

"you have to just forget about it.. don't worry, because it will be alright in the end."



who's right?

impaired vision

"Do you know what it's like to have bad vision? today, we enjoy the luxuries of paper-thin eyeglasses, even thinner contact lenses, and even laser precise eye surgery to cure blindness. but even these things, as technologically improved as they are over the years, they are only temporary. one moment without your glasses, and what can you see? colours smeared and faded into a space without depth. edges invisible, incapable of distinguish object to object.



(Do you know how frustrating it is to look for something you’ve lost? Like your keys in the morning, or a belt that you’re missing. Maybe it’s your sunglasses or wallet...That kind of frustrating. Got that feeling in your head? Imagine it ten times worse, because you’re not quite sure what you’re looking for, and you know you can’t go on without it. That’s what I’m feeling right now.)




you find your glasses. you put them on. what can you see? seems clear, but you look to the right, and it's blurry. you look up a bit, and there's a thick fuzzy line in your field of vision. you look up a bit more, and you see the frame, and beyond that it's unchartered terrirtory. it's not clear at all."

i found the glasses cloth, and took off my glasses. gave em a wipe here, and a wipe there, and i put them back on. clear again. some fuzzy streaks, but that can't be helped. my desk is a mess. papers here, books there. i opened my drawer, and a clear green light glowed into sight. i took out the green stone, and closed the drawer. it was pretty. the stone was crowned with a golden frame, and a majestic light shone from the deep inside. it stung my heart to look at it, because it was so close to me, and because of the thought of what i was about to do to it.

i looked into the stone. i remembered.. happiness, confidence, love. scenes of past memories flashed before me, deep inside the green light. it still stung my heart to look at it. the light soon began to fade, as those wonderful feelings began to fade in me as well. perhaps it just wasn't right. perhaps i was all wrong about it. where could i possibly be going with this?

i grasped the stone hard, and the light left. into the kitchen, the garbage can opened, and the stone fell with a soft thud. the lid closed. back to my seat. i sat.

and thought. i felt.. unnatural. something was missing. once again i took off my glasses and gave them a wipe. i put them on again, and seemingly they were much clearer. wait a second.. what was that?

"victor! comon man!"

they stood at the door, calling for me. seems like i'm supposed to go do something with them. "i'm coming! just give me two minutes." i opened the drawer again.

no familiar green light. it was so unnatural. but it was so clearly.. a drawer. the walls of the drawer were distinctly separate by the dark edges from the drawer itself. there wasn't much more there, but the wood had a vertical pattern. things would be clearer from now on.

i got up and left.

(victor jr.)

midterm limbo

ahh.. the midterm limbo.

from february 6 to 10, mechanical engineers have their midterm week with no classes. becuz mechatronics are under our department as well, this resulted in 4 of the 5 students in our house to be out of classes and in study mode. everyone knows what study mode is like. sitting in front of the books.. forever. of course, we were not so easily focused, and distracted ourselves easily. the first exam on monday went okay, but it started going downhill from there. our focus level.

the days soon become mixed with awkward periods of sleep, smash brothers, walking around the house, guitar, and.. oh yea, studying. thankfully i was more confident after the 2nd exam, and it went okay for me. but just the TASTE of that week totally threw off living.

the week after, i had my psych midterm on tuesday, so i still had to "study" for it. i didn't really study for it, cuz i just didn't care about it, but i thought i knew enough to get through it, which i guess i did (not as well as i thought). lifesong, an annual outreach event hosted by uwccf was also coming up, and for some peculiar reason i volunteered to write the script for the drama. after i was "in commission" to work, after exams, i got started on it. unfortunately there were many disagreements with how the script should be like, and many versions had to be written, as well as many different changes. i ended up not going to school for many days of that week.

the week after was reading week for the school. except for math and engineering students, of course. while everyone was out there having fun, i still had class. well.. not really. we still worked on the script, and i continued to miss class. tuesday of that week was an IRS day or something like that, where grads go around parading into our classes acting like idiots about how they graduated and got their engineering ring. it would have been a nice sight to see, but i'd prefer to sleep in after sleeping at 4am for consecutive nights. but in any case.. classes were not gone to.

for 3 weeks, i haven't been a full student. the feeling of being in the house almost constantly, sitting in front of a computer screen working on the same thing for hours upon hours. what happens when u do the same thing over and over again. ur mind becomes rigid. stuck in a box. my mind wouldn't think of anything else but the script, sleep, and not wanting to do the script (or anything else, for that matter).

now today was the beginning of reading week for us. i sit and think what's happened for these past three weeks. ironically, i realized that i had no drive during these weeks. what is a christian to do at times like these? what is any normal person supposed to do? a person can't live in a box with just one or two things on their mind.

soooo what to do now? shane and shane's song "God did", though it has nothing to do with what i talk about.. my favourite line of the song..

"are you ready to live?"

victro