it's been rather unfortunate that i haven't had time to write anything for the past few months. i've missed the opportunity to record previous feelings, which have now been replaced with present feelings, and the best i can do now is to reformulate such feelings again, though it would seem to me less meaningful.
(it is also unfortunate that i can only present to you a blog entry like other blog entries, due to these present feelings. )
i have been rather busy with school this term. this 2b term has been dubbed to be one of the toughest academic terms for many engineers. ode, mods, thermo, digital logic and dynamics, certainly makes for a very difficult combination. having the mental preparation for the true difficulty of the term, i had already started working hard from the beginning, resulting in above average midterm marks. the term progresses, and i continue to work hard, but in the end, finals simply could not be beat. for good or for worse, very similar occurences of this happened to many different friends, both close and not as close. more than ever are there friends that worry about passing the term. i can look inside everyone and see what effect school is having on them. the worries that it produces inside each person, and the stresses and frustrations built up, but generally not let out.
it is a scary thought, because such a school has been subconsciously (or consciously) equated to a live war. fellow soldiers, training together, fighting together, side by side. we live together, and struggle together, and overcome together, and such a struggle only brings us close together as a family. we can see in each other what the fighting is doing to us, and sometimes we offer words of encouragement, but other times know that we are powerless to do anything, because you yourself are in the same situation yourself.
or we don't overcome together, and you see your family, shot in the chest, bullet sifting through the body like it was just a simple piece of cloth. the body that was once your friend, falls to the ground, blending with the rest of dying scenery. then they fade away.
a bit dramatic? very! what ached my heart the most this term were those that have had absolutely no rest from such a fight, and are forced to go through such a struggle. maybe i've become more and more weak-hearted, or my notorious actionless care for others has grown even more.
i think that the effects of such a school has numbed my feelings for everything else. how else can one care about a person except for school support? there wasn't any other way. that theme of mind continued until i got sick of it, not feeling any benefits that i potentially created for others. yet the soreness of school was ever present in the people around me, and my heart became torn.
now that school is all over, what does that result in? i've realized what has been missing in these difficult school days, and am working to restore what has left me. back home in toronto again, i'm to readjust to living back at home, as well as reaccustom myself to groups of friends (questionable?), and who i am to be in these groups. my mind has been a mess, losing ability to focus a thought on myself for long periods of time, and even more difficulty thinking of ways to improve myself, as well as muster motivation to do so.
in any case, back in unfamiliar toronto, it's my own responsibility to make it all familiar again, perhaps even more than that for once.
(i think i will see some interesting comments.)
Friday, December 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
a danger
recently i had to format my computer, because it was being stupid. something to do with the boot-up. everyone knows the grueling process of having to reinstall everything and reset all your settings. it's a pain in the butt, i know, i had to do it. thinkpads have programs that automate the formatting for you, but even then there's still the installing everything again that takes long.
now my roommates on the other hand have an alternative solution. they use some program that creates an image of their laptop. this image remembers all the programs and all the settings and all the data, you would save this image on a cd or something. then you clear out ur computer, and then all you gotta do is stick the image back on the computer, and everything will be all done. holy smokes isn't that genius?
now what if you were to do that, but when you put the image back on, you realize the image wasn't perfect? if your image had a problem, then the problem would carry over after you reformatted, and you are back to the same problem you started with.
because this had occurred to me recently, it reminded me of a very real idea that i learned over the years. the reality of getting to know a person is imperfect. to get to know a person, i would say you need to spend time with them, do things with them, talk with them, and all that good stuff. as you do that, all these actions and memories are inputted in your mind, and soon, an image is formed in your mind of that person. that's all fine and dandy, but the unfortunate thing is that the other person has no access or control to this image. the only person that has access to that image.. is you. because of that, you have the power to do whatever you want to this image. on the natural path of a friendship, i think this image generally stays about constant. but what is also natural to occur is that a person might subconciously change such an image based on their feelings. i say feelings, possibly meaning feelings of attraction for the person, or maybe feelings of repulsion.. or maybe just feelings in general. i don't know, feelings are easily prone to change and can cause a great effect on.. practically anything. these feelings are usually generated by spending more time with the person, but that may not be required in the special case.
so the danger can be easily seen that the image may not (and most likely not) correspond to the true character of the person, and the person could eventually start to assume certain things about their friend, thinking that they know their friend so well, that the image in their minds is so accurate, that it must be true about them. i learned that it was very easy to forget that, an image is just an image, and in this case, getting a 100% perfect image is impossible.
a danger? maybe it isn't that big of a deal to think wrong of something about a friend. that is true. but i feel that it becomes an issue when you start to be friends with the image, instead of the person. this can more readily if there is no continual contact with the person. i myself have experienced this thoroughly, and have been struggling with this for a while. i had begun to formulate my own image of a person, and before i knew it, my image was totally different from the actual person. it is unfortunate that there would be misunderstandings about the character and interests of a person, but it is absolutely disastrous if you made a bad decision based on your incorrectness about your friend. please do watch out for this, and remember that your image isn't always perfect. never treat your image as your friend, because your friend is much more than an image in your mind.
think about it another way. you have the power to display what you want other people to have as an image for you in their minds. therefore, everything you do and say has an effect on what their image will be like. you should know that this image will not be perfect, and can never fully represent you. but the unfortunate thing is that it may, for those of your friends that don't fully understand and grasp the concept of an image. therefore, you should provide as accurate a display for your friends as possible, such that no negative events or misunderstandings would happen because of it.
phew. all common sense? maybe it is, but i feel it's a lesson learned and an idea worth remembering. think about that next time you format your computer.
now my roommates on the other hand have an alternative solution. they use some program that creates an image of their laptop. this image remembers all the programs and all the settings and all the data, you would save this image on a cd or something. then you clear out ur computer, and then all you gotta do is stick the image back on the computer, and everything will be all done. holy smokes isn't that genius?
now what if you were to do that, but when you put the image back on, you realize the image wasn't perfect? if your image had a problem, then the problem would carry over after you reformatted, and you are back to the same problem you started with.
because this had occurred to me recently, it reminded me of a very real idea that i learned over the years. the reality of getting to know a person is imperfect. to get to know a person, i would say you need to spend time with them, do things with them, talk with them, and all that good stuff. as you do that, all these actions and memories are inputted in your mind, and soon, an image is formed in your mind of that person. that's all fine and dandy, but the unfortunate thing is that the other person has no access or control to this image. the only person that has access to that image.. is you. because of that, you have the power to do whatever you want to this image. on the natural path of a friendship, i think this image generally stays about constant. but what is also natural to occur is that a person might subconciously change such an image based on their feelings. i say feelings, possibly meaning feelings of attraction for the person, or maybe feelings of repulsion.. or maybe just feelings in general. i don't know, feelings are easily prone to change and can cause a great effect on.. practically anything. these feelings are usually generated by spending more time with the person, but that may not be required in the special case.
so the danger can be easily seen that the image may not (and most likely not) correspond to the true character of the person, and the person could eventually start to assume certain things about their friend, thinking that they know their friend so well, that the image in their minds is so accurate, that it must be true about them. i learned that it was very easy to forget that, an image is just an image, and in this case, getting a 100% perfect image is impossible.
a danger? maybe it isn't that big of a deal to think wrong of something about a friend. that is true. but i feel that it becomes an issue when you start to be friends with the image, instead of the person. this can more readily if there is no continual contact with the person. i myself have experienced this thoroughly, and have been struggling with this for a while. i had begun to formulate my own image of a person, and before i knew it, my image was totally different from the actual person. it is unfortunate that there would be misunderstandings about the character and interests of a person, but it is absolutely disastrous if you made a bad decision based on your incorrectness about your friend. please do watch out for this, and remember that your image isn't always perfect. never treat your image as your friend, because your friend is much more than an image in your mind.
think about it another way. you have the power to display what you want other people to have as an image for you in their minds. therefore, everything you do and say has an effect on what their image will be like. you should know that this image will not be perfect, and can never fully represent you. but the unfortunate thing is that it may, for those of your friends that don't fully understand and grasp the concept of an image. therefore, you should provide as accurate a display for your friends as possible, such that no negative events or misunderstandings would happen because of it.
phew. all common sense? maybe it is, but i feel it's a lesson learned and an idea worth remembering. think about that next time you format your computer.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Sunday, October 08, 2006
the theological depth of forgetting norway
for those of you who don't know, me and my waterloo housemates live on mcdougall rd in waterloo, and we've been known as mcdougall ever since. living with 4 other guys in the same house for almost 5 months now, there's been many experiences that we've had on our own, and we've grown to be like each other in different ways.
one of such ways is that we've began to pick up each other's mannerisms. i know that for a fact because i've heard many of my own catch phrases being used by my roommates. my fickle sarcasm has also been brushed off to some of them. let me explain to you one of mcdougall's most common phrases: "forget norway".
it all started in our very first term, when our rez friend jon lau showed us a video about lions and tigers. here is the link to the video:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/kenya/
as you can see, this video is absolutely mesmerizing, and once this was shown again to mcdougall, all of us have fell in love with it, and our house has even been nicknamed "kenya", and unspoken meanings were created for lions and tigers. phrases like "holy crap!" was immediately replaced by "holy crap lions!"
but of course, i would say the most influential statement of the kenya video is the phrase "forget norway!". as seen in the video, the phrase was used to emphasize the importance of kenya, while at the same time demeaning the value of norway. of course, norway is nowhere related to what the video was portraying, and most people would consider the comment as "random" or "it doesn't make any sense" or any derivative of such comments. but mcdougall has understood this phrase much more fully.
we understood that this phrase can clearly emphasize the importance of one thing, while decreasing the importance of another. therefore, whenever in such situations, the phrase can easily depict such an impression to our fellow housemates. because of its flexibility, the phrase soon became part of our normal lingo. and as i thought more and more of it, and the different situations where it's been used, i believe that there's been a theological lesson embedded in these two simple words.
forgetting norway reminds us of the things that we place too much importance on, and elevates what we do need to place importance on. many times i find myself dwelling on thoughts and ideas that are not good for me. instead, my focus should be on God alone. we should all be lifting our concerns, burdens and energies to Christ, because he should be our source. many times we find ourselves overburdening ourselves. maybe it's with school, or maybe it's with relatoinships with particular people, or maybe it's with just work in general. if we spent all our time and energy doing all of this for our own good, is that the right way? maybe at these moments, it's time to tell yourself to forget norway, and give it up to God.
therefore, i encourage you to give thought to think about what have you been spending all your time doing, and what of such things have been too self-focused. if you want to talk about this subject, feel free to msn me and we can talk. and you can also tell me what you think about the video, and if you see any more lessons that God may be teaching you through such a rich demonstration of multimedia.
and for those that think this blog is stupid and pointless.. forget norway man.
(today after church, i was conversing with some friends from church, and they've given me positive feedback about the interest of the content of this blog. to the point that i've often been referred to as the name of this blog, victro. thank you to all supporters of victro's blog!)
one of such ways is that we've began to pick up each other's mannerisms. i know that for a fact because i've heard many of my own catch phrases being used by my roommates. my fickle sarcasm has also been brushed off to some of them. let me explain to you one of mcdougall's most common phrases: "forget norway".
it all started in our very first term, when our rez friend jon lau showed us a video about lions and tigers. here is the link to the video:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/kenya/
as you can see, this video is absolutely mesmerizing, and once this was shown again to mcdougall, all of us have fell in love with it, and our house has even been nicknamed "kenya", and unspoken meanings were created for lions and tigers. phrases like "holy crap!" was immediately replaced by "holy crap lions!"
but of course, i would say the most influential statement of the kenya video is the phrase "forget norway!". as seen in the video, the phrase was used to emphasize the importance of kenya, while at the same time demeaning the value of norway. of course, norway is nowhere related to what the video was portraying, and most people would consider the comment as "random" or "it doesn't make any sense" or any derivative of such comments. but mcdougall has understood this phrase much more fully.
we understood that this phrase can clearly emphasize the importance of one thing, while decreasing the importance of another. therefore, whenever in such situations, the phrase can easily depict such an impression to our fellow housemates. because of its flexibility, the phrase soon became part of our normal lingo. and as i thought more and more of it, and the different situations where it's been used, i believe that there's been a theological lesson embedded in these two simple words.
forgetting norway reminds us of the things that we place too much importance on, and elevates what we do need to place importance on. many times i find myself dwelling on thoughts and ideas that are not good for me. instead, my focus should be on God alone. we should all be lifting our concerns, burdens and energies to Christ, because he should be our source. many times we find ourselves overburdening ourselves. maybe it's with school, or maybe it's with relatoinships with particular people, or maybe it's with just work in general. if we spent all our time and energy doing all of this for our own good, is that the right way? maybe at these moments, it's time to tell yourself to forget norway, and give it up to God.
therefore, i encourage you to give thought to think about what have you been spending all your time doing, and what of such things have been too self-focused. if you want to talk about this subject, feel free to msn me and we can talk. and you can also tell me what you think about the video, and if you see any more lessons that God may be teaching you through such a rich demonstration of multimedia.
and for those that think this blog is stupid and pointless.. forget norway man.
(today after church, i was conversing with some friends from church, and they've given me positive feedback about the interest of the content of this blog. to the point that i've often been referred to as the name of this blog, victro. thank you to all supporters of victro's blog!)
Saturday, September 16, 2006
new mcdougall
another school term back in waterloo.
students, welcome back to another term of school. this term is going to be very exciting. dynamics, ODEs, mods 2, thermo, and digital logic. 2b or not 2b indeed.
for those who don't know, my current school term is said to be the most difficult of all the terms in mechanical engineering.
what else is exciting is new mcdougall. mcdougall has MOVED. we've moved just across the street to 74 mcdougall rd. our house is beautiful. do come visit us if you have the chance. we have plenty of distractions to offer.
there are a lot of new frosh this year at uwccf, including some from scbc. i think that's really exciting because helping the frosh to adjust to university life and finding a spiritual is a great ministry, and its importance only increases to me for those who i've known from before.
i am currently experiencing a major mind/life block, where i don't know what to do or don't know what to think. i suspect this feeling could be related to moving out of toronto and not having to live with constant family related issues, and of my decisions are forcedly made for me. i feel all the more totally uninteresting, and the writing juices just aren't flowing, which explains my lack of consistent blog postings.
i'm working on getting things back on track.
come talk to me.
students, welcome back to another term of school. this term is going to be very exciting. dynamics, ODEs, mods 2, thermo, and digital logic. 2b or not 2b indeed.
for those who don't know, my current school term is said to be the most difficult of all the terms in mechanical engineering.
what else is exciting is new mcdougall. mcdougall has MOVED. we've moved just across the street to 74 mcdougall rd. our house is beautiful. do come visit us if you have the chance. we have plenty of distractions to offer.
there are a lot of new frosh this year at uwccf, including some from scbc. i think that's really exciting because helping the frosh to adjust to university life and finding a spiritual is a great ministry, and its importance only increases to me for those who i've known from before.
i am currently experiencing a major mind/life block, where i don't know what to do or don't know what to think. i suspect this feeling could be related to moving out of toronto and not having to live with constant family related issues, and of my decisions are forcedly made for me. i feel all the more totally uninteresting, and the writing juices just aren't flowing, which explains my lack of consistent blog postings.
i'm working on getting things back on track.
come talk to me.
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