thoughts of a montrealer

i think it'd be fitting for me to note down some thoughts of the past few weeks.

things that have stood out to me, in order of occurence:

-the transportation woes.
what they say is true. montreal is a bad place for transportation. the roads are broken to the core, and the road planning is an absolute mess. if you don't know how to get somewhere, chances are you won't find it. montreal is filled with one-way streets, no left turns or no right turns. right turns are not allowed at red lights (on the island, i didn't know there was a distinction between the rules of the island and the shore until later). downtown is worse. there is no way you can return the same way you came. i learnt that the hard way the first time driving around montreal. i never want to do it again. the level of frustration rose heights comparable to that caused by intense dripping faucets or loud obnoxious people or extreme nagging parents. oh yea, while i was driving my parents were nagging and yelling around too. right.

-the culture difference.
needless to say, montreal is said to "have more culture than toronto." i don't argue that, mainly because i don't know truly how cultural toronto can be because it is so big. the more noticeable difference is the language. yes it is very much french dominant here. many people say that you can survive with english in montreal, but the sad truth is that i don't live in montreal. in longueuil, EVERYBODY's french. everyone speaks french here, and i'm nervous to try to speak english. there was a day that i was at TD and i was scared that the tellers couldn't speak english (they could). another noticeable difference was.. girls. there is a higher percentage of girls than guys almost everywhere i go, almost all the time, some of which are quite the attractive. there's this one girl i see once every so often going to work and she's like a friggin supermodel. by the way, when it was still warm, there were lots of girls showing off their boobs and their cleavage. is that a cultural difference too? holy crap that was kind of annoying.

-the silence.
i live in the basement of a christian family (french speaking). downstairs i have a roommate who is a french assistant pastor. he's only here a couple days a week, for a very short time though. did i mention french speaking. so yea, i am pretty much all alone during the weeks. if i were to not do anything, i will hear silence. i think i found it, the most quiet place. apart from the buzzing of appliances and occasional sounds from the family upstairs, and sometimes the cars outside on the road.. it's silence. pure silence. the silence continues at work, where everyone speaks french around me, only speaking english TO me. i drown it out, almost creating more silence. it is hard for me to make friends at work because they expect to speak french, so there is no need to talk much. pure silence. i can hear my own voice more than ever, and i'm glad of it. i'm glad that i can hear myself think, and that i am thinking.

-the transportation woes.
i am at the mercy of the bus schedule. getting around can no longer be when i feel like it, driving around. living off the island, i have to bus to the metro (that's what they call subways here), subway for 2 stations, change lines, and then subway 3 more to get to mcgill and the downtown core. the subwaying isn't too bad, but the bus comes once an hour on weekends, sometimes half an hour at nights on weekdays if i'm lucky. i am always waiting for subways, waiting for buses. every day, every weekend, i am at the mercy of public transportation. when i wait, i stand around, or i sit around. and i hear it again, pure silence. my mind turns on when it wills to, and that is kinda nice.

so there's more to take of montreal than something so simple as that. after the however many weekends of me going to indigo by myself, eating noodles while msning, walking around the basement thinking of what to do next, or watching the clock as it finally reaches the right time for the hourly bus to come, then perhaps we will see the meaning of it all.

the longest post ever

at first, i was planning to document everything that i did starting the end of term to the beginning of the next term, which isn't even officially here yet for me, and note down every single thought and feeling that was worth noting.

i wanted to write down all the ups and downs that occurred, ppl that were sad, ppl that were happy. things that ached my heart, warmed my heart. ppl i missed, ppl that didn't miss me. the battles to fight, the pains of struggle. conversations worth remembering, efforts worth noting, failures worth forgetting. i wrote out everyone's names, so it would have been open to see. a bit of thought and sleuthing, and secrets of my heart could have been figured. it took hours.

and i wrote it. i got to aug 20. it was pages long, and i already had plans to section it all off by week. then i stopped myself.

what am i doing? everything laid out like a journal, telling the world how i spent my time, testing myself to see whether time was used best. was it? i'm scared that the answer will be no. that the goals i made for these weeks were not accomplished. that you failed to have the best two week toronto vacation you could have.

so i stop. wondering the worth of sharing to the world every tidbit of thought of mine, the worth of telling of every person that i thought about, talked with, didn't talk with. the little pearls of my intricate observations, long-winded yet.. intricate. i fear that after all this, that i learn nothing, that nothing will come out of it all, that i just walk a full circle, back to where i started...

(vacation. a foreign thought, yet all hell breaks loose at its first opportunity. i find my body asking: why is the best not being offered to me? why am i not in constant enjoyment? after such a long term of work, why should i do anything even resembling work right now?

so it happens that way, and i am practically powerless to stop it)

intelligent memory

this is a website and concept that i came across while looking for stuff about memory:


http://www.intelligentmemory.com/default.asp


the author and creator of this concept, dr barry gordon, of which you can check out his creditials on the website, says that there are two kinds of memory: ordinary memory and intelligent memory.

the ordinary type is the type of memory that we use to remember where we put our keys or where is the location of pizza hut or whatever. that type of memory is generally quite weak and unreliable. now the second type of memory, intelligent memory, is smart memory. intelligent memory consists of 3 parts: ideas/individual memories, connection between ideas, and automatic critical thinking. it is the kind of memory that makes links to different things. like remembering that you heard your set of keys made a noise sounding like it hit glass, and therefore it must be on the kitchen table. or your intelligent memory can also be used to solve problems, generally by previous experience. unlike the ordinary memory, this type of memory generally gets better with age, believe it or not. feel free to read more about the definitions on the website.

it can be easily noticed that our intelligent memory is used much more frequently than our ordinary memory. in addition, we often complain that our "memory" is getting worse and worse, and many of us that say so are just in our 20s. does memory loss occur so early? definitely not! common sense tells me that we are approaching our prime memory capacity. so what is the reason? i feel and agree with the website that it is because our memory is not trained. this is similar to an engineering student studying hard for a couple of years, and the parts of his brain that was used for sciences, social sciences, languages, etc. has been neglected and not been used properly. i'm sure that many of you are familiar with this idea, but intelligent memory is more broad with than this. in this day and age of instant messaging, information and media overload, our culture has conditioned our minds to operate by reflex (ie instinctual action, with minimal cognitive activity), as well as with idleness (very easy for this to happen, especially while watching tv or youtube or things like that). because of that, our minds have been absolutely dulled, causing our intelligent memories to become weak. with our ordinary memory being constantly fragile as well, this leads to a generally terrible memory.

so what are we to do about that? there are ways to train your intelligent memories. here are some tips i've found in various places, and i'm sure there are more:

* Pay attention
* Get more ideas
* Look for unusual connections
* Break out of dead-end thinking
* Question your thinking
* Slow down
* Don't multitask
* Become a more critical thinker
* Don't push too hard
* Practice applying IM in simple situations
* Organize your thoughts
* Make plans
* Try new things that you've never done, or do things in different ways.
* Practice your hobbies and engage your mind in them
* Stay away from our culture's conditioning tools! excessive TV/anime, excessive youtube, video games, unnecessary news, and the related

is your memory failing you? i think MANY of you can say yes, and there is a cure. none of us will really productively improve our ordinary memory (requires difficult exercises), but we can all improve our intelligent memory by engaging our entire mind to its full potential. if you want to try it out and tell me how that goes, that would be awesome! i think i will try to do exercise this when i'm in montreal next term.

nothing much worth writing in my mind now. lots of work to do.



a moment of silence.

appreciation for psalms

my recent appreciation for the psalms. so simple, so clear, so desperate, so direct. if i could write like the psalmist...



psalm 18:1-3.. and more!

I love you, LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies.

A good reminder here.. 25-26

To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, the the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.




psalm 57:1-3.. something to repeat in prayer over and over again.. just what we need.. have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy on us...

Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.
I cry out to God Most High, to God, who vindicates me. He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me-- God sends forth his love and his faithfulness.





psalm 73:28 (NASB).. nearness is what we desire.

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the LORD God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.




psalm 32:3-5, for those who are thinking whether to confess or not...

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD." And you forgave the guilt of my sin.




psalm 37:3-4.. just a beautiful promise.

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.




psalm 26:1.. this is funny haha..

VINDICATE ME, LORD, for I have led a blameless life (picture a guy tearing off his sackcloth haha)