i spent minutes thinking of an appropriate name for this posting...

... and failed.

i haven't touched this since july 29.. a month less a week. many things have happened since that day. i would count them out one by one, but i would easily lose track.

the term ended. they said that 1b was one of the toughest terms on mech eng. i admit that term wasn't easy at all, but if i had worked harder than i did i would have gotten the results i wanted. i panicked, but my marks came through.. though a 10% decrease in my average compared to last term.

talk about roller coastering. the way things go up and down in a never-ending cycle. one moment you would think that you have gotten to the top, and the next you are plummetting to the bottom. and by the time you begin to get comfortable with the bottom, the top is starting to approach. and it repeats so fast you can't tell what is what.

i've been scared.

growing up is something that we cannot stop, but something that must happen. think about what you have to give up, and what has to be taken on. "big boy now, working man with a job," they say. man of the house. time to make your own decisions. can you take it?

it's deterioration at its best. deterioration at its ultimate best. the great one that i've always seen and envisioned, falling to pieces. so many distractions, so many other things to do, making you slip away, slowly but surely. there were so many things that you used to be able to do, so powerful. but now, what is left?

the differences in people. the wonderful thing about people is that they are never the same. but the challenge also is that you can't always do the same things with different people. and people have the freedom of change. it is a fresh surprise as to what someone could come up with. sometimes something that you are totally unprepared for, leaving you speechless, not knowing what to do.

i am running out of thinking.. slipping away. the big picture is near, but still out of reach. the message is starting to become clear, what God has been doing, and what i have missed out on. i struggle, but do not fight.

what do you see?