we take a lot of fun in comparing people with other people or other things, and sometimes it's for a good laugh and other times it's an avenue to understand someone from a different perspective. once that has passed, one may end up musing further on how accurate the comparison truly is.

i have been compared to chandler byng because of his wit and sarcastic humour (haven't we all been compared to all of the friends?). i thought that was pretty accurate, but after dismissing it as comparison of fun, i proceeded to think about it more. and that's when i remembered mr heckles.

who is mr heckles? well haven't you seen that episode? mr heckles is the friends' upstairs neighbour, and he's appeared on multiple occasions. but mr heckles' last appearance was when he died. during that episode, chandler had been single for some time, and he didn't know why. while the friends grieved for the passing of their neighbour, they were allowed (for some reason) to search through his stuff. chandler rummaged through some of his boxes and found some of mr heckles' old yearbook. as he flipped through it, he found that there were numerous comments next to the pictures of girls. comments like "too fat." "buck teeth." "crooked nose." "manly voice." as chandler read on, he realized that.. "I'M mr heckles!" that he was still single because he was so picky on little imperfections that he wouldn't give any girls a chance.

now if i were to be commenting on why i'm single, i would obviously be digging my own grave for people to make fun, but no that wasn't what i was referring to. what i was referring to was how i've been very easily agitated or annoyed at something/someone for the past few years. to listen to myself talk, i could learn firstly of how stupid some of the things i say actually sound (haha), but also how annoying my complaints about my pet peeves of other people are. my most recent episode of that involved a harmless conversation of which i was trying to steer towards asking the person about their opinion on marriage and the planning that they've done so far about marriage and future. i asked a tangent question about whether they have thought about what kind of home they would live in, but the response i was given was approximately asking me "who i thought i was, and why i would think i deserve to know such information because i'm not that close with her". to me that was a rude and cocky response, especially in the light that i was just trying to direct a conversation to something more meaningful for the group of people in the room to also participate in. i personally didn't feel the question that sensitive at all. my response to her response was frustration and annoyance, and i just gave up that effort altogether.

sometimes there are situations where my frustrations toward people are justified (to me), but who says what justification is enough? i used to think that my tolerance for people was very high, but over the years, for some reason, it has slipped away, and things like repetitive statements, high pitched or odd noises, defiant interceptions of my purposes or other things that might bother me (better not list so much haha) has led me to become easily agitated with people, and, as a result, more critical of people as well.

where is that patience to dismiss all those little things that bother you?
perhaps then life would become a little bit more beautiful.
perhaps then others will know that i'm a boy with a heart.