greatness part 1

in the past few months of blogging silence, i've spent much of my time thinking about greatness. i let it sit on my hand, feeling its weight, grasping its elusive textures and contours, formless yet gloriously obvious. you would know greatness when you see greatness. but when you search for the path, it escapes you like graceful deer in a heavy forest. how do you become great?

i think all of our lives are asking that question. and ever since we were small children, we've been fabricating make believe answers for the lofty question. we grow up and foolishly think that we've got it all figured out, greatness at hand. my first principle of greatness was humour. i saw that the funny people were always the most loved and the most popular, and that was what i wanted. so i made it a life goal to be a funny guy, emersed myself in the art of sarcasm, subtle wordplay. blunt truths, expert comedic timing and creative genius, practiced and perfected. unexpectedly, this was not well received everywhere, leaving a laughter that was hollow, empty. quiet.

then there was the arts and sciences. creativity and intellect. the intellect has become a cornerstone of who i am. the more you know, the more you can offer to those around you, the greater you can be. there was a heavy emphasis on reading, learning, thinking and reflecting on the world and of its deepest realms of thought. the arts had initially been thurst upon me, led first by grueling training sessions of music resembling certain torture scenarios, but eventually developing into a keen interest, coming to its own. and ultimately the coming together of both faculties was the art of the written word. writing. the beauty of life is embedded a gem of an invention: the story. the depth of knowledge and the artistry of music could be utilized simultaneously to create a synergistically beautiful and powerful piece. unfortunately, both faculties had also diverged upon a formidable obstacle: hard work.

options were running thin. i had little hope in the faculty of the phsyical sport. historically i had not been good (not even great) at sports, and there was no sign of this changing throughout the years. but i realized that if one showed interest in a sport, you didn't have to be great at it. you just needed to try, and then have fun with it. and as long as you knew enough about the right sports teams, then you were good. but not great. to my fortune, i learnt that the many years of frustration of not being good at some sport, getting dominated by the more athletic, the more skilled and the physically superior peers around me, was normal and acceptable. thank you God that greatness is not measured by this because i would have absolutely no hope here.

there is one more thing that i can say about greatness to me. people. i think that great people care about other people. my life had changed one fateful day when i was in grade 7 with these 8 numbers: 27830663. my first ICQ account. the world of instant messaging had opened the realm of communication like never before, and i can honestly say that my sleep habits began to change that very day. it was fun, but it was also relentless, unwavering, and to this day that i would have used every tool in my chatting arsenal just to see how a friend is doing and how i could make their day better, or how we could get to know each other more, or just to make them laugh. finally, nothing bad to say here.

so with that foundation, i had felt ready to take on anything. i was on the brink of greatness, right?
well i just told you that victor lau the great was just a guy who was kinda funny, was above average in music and knew a bit more stuff, and was bad at sports and spent his time talking to a lot of people. that's not that great. except that i was the only one that thought i was one of a kind.

okay, so if i don't have it right, what are some other people doing? i started to look arouund.
i didn't like what i saw. the prevalence of what could only be obscurely labelled "pop culture", was king. the ability to replicate that song, that dance, the celebration of the mere playing of the song, the actual culture that those artists produced. what was the purpose of posing like a gangster in a photo, or acting like one? or even resembling just parts of their lifestyle? to me, that is the opposite of greatness. the rebel nature for the purpose of greatness can only be true if there were tangible (and legal) results. some people lived like they only can be with those of a certain level of greatness, and others outside that are secondary. this felt to me like an insult to the one thing i thought i was okay at. if all these things are what makes people great, then something is wrong because i didn't think it was all that great.

something is wrong.

please stay tuned for part two.