the thrill of the fight

just now i did a quick scroll through of my greader to look through the posts of various friends. a lot of them share and document the struggles of their lives. it was admirable to see. others display the qualities of prominent people and draw upon them for lessons for us regular folk. none of these qualities are just inherited or easily acquired, but requires sweat and tears and pain and endurance.

each of these people have shown real struggle. they have taken the time to understand what is in front of them (or at least trying), and managed their own skills and resources to brace themselves for a difficult time. and then they come out with a lesson and something worth recounting. something that makes them a greater person.

i love and respect all the people that had true tribulations and rise to the meet the challenge, and display their inner strength. i think despite how a lot of people are battered and bruised with life, deep within their hearts there is a spark that relishes in the victory. welcoming the pain because of greater glory.

with that has come disappointment in how i've shied from a lot of the big questions waiting for me to be answered. how long will i wait? can't rely on God, can't even rely on myself. clouded my mind, no longer can hear myself think. i haven't been able to get myself to confront struggle, let alone engage it. when is it time to stop dancing around my fake struggles, disguising themselves from what they truly are, simply petty desires and wants.

but this past week, some people did not have any choice to fight. a tragic plane crash leaves four bombardier employees dead and four families absolutely shattered. aged 27, 23, 20, 19, three distinct life stages all cut short. today i went to a muslim funeral, where they praised their god, submitted to his ways and made no mention of the deceased. i did not know them all well. but when someone that you see every day is no longer there, the pain/void is deafeningly obvious. and i didn't even know them all well. one more funeral to come. praying for all the families.

i've come to learn that the greatest in victor lau is his heart. waiting for the day that his heart will rise, awaken and be healed, ready to fight again.