november nuances

returning from a weekend in ottawa with friends marked the end of october and a good beginning to november. i was reminded that it is a new day, and a new month, and a new beginning. not only so, it was also the official halfway point of the term. as such, it was imperative to reflect on the past few months, as well as to plan for the upcoming months.

i know what it appears to you, but i don't think it's so bad being in montreal. i just had the thought today that it truly was a cool thing to be able to live in another city for a period of time, and see what different things there are to see, eat the food, and spending time with new friends. those are good things, and i tend to magnify the bad things by habit. yes it does get very quiet here and it does get quite lonely without too many new friends. i have to remember my opportunity to be here, and the cool things to experience and to remind myself to live.

for the past few weeks i've noticed a major mental block again, though just a week or two ago i did come to a realization with.. something.. i don't really remember what right now. but now i seem to be distracted with something i don't know what, that i can't really think clearly. curses to that.

there's been a terrific paradox that has been troubling me. i know that i've definitely not used my time wisely these past few months. i feel like i've wasted a lot of time, and not really accomplishing anything. this has been caused by laziness and a lack of motivation. but when it comes to doing things.. i find that it feels really meaningless. sheer following of a schedule, completing a checklist, doing it for the sake of checking it off a list. that has been a strategy to encourage myself to do things, but once that becomes your incentive, everything loses its meaning. this becomes more and more unfortunate when the things you have to do have more meaning.

so here will be the thoughts that i want to have thought through, and the things i would like to have done.

-ccf magnets. we said we wanted some, i have the supplies to make some.
-bible and prayer. bible and prayer. need i say more.
-read more books. enjoy them, learn from them, and don't read them for the sake of finishing them.
-play more piano. 1800 bucks is a lot of money to collect dust.
-singing. i need to fix my voice.
-guitar. a lower priority thing, but worthy. learn more guitar makes for better worship leading.

things to think about
-future ccf goals? how to serve, why am i serving? i shouldn't serve just because they need someone.
-men's cell? mcdougall ministry? what should i do, when to do it? we should plan these things early
-lifesong? do i want to do coordinate it? do i want to do it this term, or another term?
-mentorship driven? with age and experience (compared to the younger ones), we should be sharing it.
-workshops? same as previous point.